this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
