Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
