I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
