She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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