I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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