I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
