Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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