I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
