this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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