My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
