im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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