My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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