Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
