first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
