i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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