no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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