I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
