Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
