Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How does one acquire holy water?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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