Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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