Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
