Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
