Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
