You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need to sanitize my soul.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
