A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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