It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
