if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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