He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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