it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
