You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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