I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
