Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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