I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
