.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
