im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
