Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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