so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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