Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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