Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
