toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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