it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize