Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
