I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
