i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
