there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
