I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
