Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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