I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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