it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The air taste purple.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
