I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
