Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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