Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She said her name was "party"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
