My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
