What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
