Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
