If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize