he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
