Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
