I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
