girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize