About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
