i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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