The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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