why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
