garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize