The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
