Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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