note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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