I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
