Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize