I just made out with a guy for $7.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
