wat bout pragnant strippers??
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
