Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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