he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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