break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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