well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it because I queefed?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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