Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
