Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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